Thursday, December 29, 2005

An Open Letter to 2005

...Life. Thanks for the lessons, good, bad or ugly. This year has been a series of battles to be won and lost, and I'm ever sure that I'm a better person for everything. Sometimes we lose our way, and other times, the clarity of a moment is blindingly simple.

2005 started with so many promises. There was a relaxing Vacation in Cancun with Rod in February, where I felt the wispy, fine sand and warm tropical sun invite me to slow life down. There was a frenetic and exciting trip to New York in April, where I felt the pulse of a megatropolis thrill and quicken my own pulse. There was the bittersweet experience of convocation, taking me from my home away from home for the past 8 years, forcing me to find a new way in the world. There was a new job in July, offering me my first taste of the grown up world in the field I'm interested in pursuing a career in.

At this moment on a beautiful August afternoon at the top of Mt. Whistler, I was on top of the world. I was healthy, secure, and I was sure that my future lay beyond those mountains to the west. Just 5 short minutes later, Life got in the way again, as I called my parents and learned that my oldest Brother's life was spiralling out of control, the result of a drug addiction more powerful then any he's faced previously. Both of my parents anxiously dealt with medical problems that could've been deadly. Since then I've watched my family strain to present unity on anything. There's a sense that the support system I once relied on from my family is threatening to falter, but I hold on as best I can because I love them all, no matter what.

As the months passed, and a bleak summer bled into a fine autumn, I was reminded more and more how lucky I was to have Rod. Inexplicably, I was knocked off kilter in August, and I'm afraid I've been struggling to find my way back to normal since then, and Rod's been patient with me. We celebrated our seventh anniversary this year, which shouldn't surprise those who know us, since they know that I'm steadfastly devoted to him, and he's scared to death of me :)

My future plans were thrown into doubt in November, and I learned that Grad School was highly unlikely in the near future. I have no money, and even if I do improve my grades enough to get there, the chances of winning a scholarship are tight, given my rather colourful academic past. We'll just have to go with the flow I guess, see where I'm really meant to be these days. November also showed me that I'm not meant for my current job. I'm not sure where to go from here.

And we're at December, and for the first time since probably 1995, I was able to do a lot of xmas shopping on my own, and I was able to spoil Rod like never before. I've never had a full time job around the holiday season before, so it felt good spending my own money to make Rod happy. I also experienced a better birthday, leading me to believe that there is something other then misery on that 'special' occasion. Now my energies have focussed on planning for a new start with the new year. 2005 is due to be put away now.

So evidently 2005 will be hard to top in terms of highs. I travelled a lot, pushed my personal limits, ended an entire phase of my life. So I can look back on this year as one that I'd be okay with remembering down the road. Fare thee well 2005.


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