That's MISS Wingman to you...

So, I've got this friend Jeevan...funny guy with a lot of habits and beliefs I can't help but marvel at, and Jeevan's got me sort of slotted into a role in his life. Now, he lives in another province, so we don't see each other much, but when we get together, the talk gets interesting. Jeevan realizes I see things that he and other people miss, and I have considerable expertise when it comes to women (ummm, because I am one) that he can benefit from without having to worry about sexual tension or any kind of awkwardness. To Jeevan, I'm not a target, I am...a Wingman.

Without ever having seen me in action, Jeevan knows that I'm not a woman to mess with, and during the NMUN trip to New York in 2005, Jeevan was sure that I could drop any of the guys on the trip, with the exception of Harold, who would put up a serious fight. In fact, Harold and I nearly reached that situation, and I don't remember what stopped it, but ever since then, Jeevan's been quite sure that, of all his friends, he would want me to have his back if he ever found himself in a bar fight.

I take it as a compliment of course...I think it's really funny that this guy thinks I'm Wingman material.

So last night, I'm at a surprise party for Sammy, and I'm talking to Andreas about girls, and he throws it out there that he'd want to me to be a Wingman for him...completely unaware of the situation with Jeevan. I don't think I ever expected that to come from anyone other than Jeevan!

But now I'm left wondering...does my decidedly non-girlie personality mean I'm always going to be Wingman instead of target? Is the only adjective applied to me by guys always going to be "Awesome"? Holy crap...have I become Captain Awesome, Wingman Extraordinaire? Daaaaamn! I never saw that coming!

Countdown...

In exactly two weeks, at this time, I will have finished the presentation and examination...otherwise known as the Defence of my Capstone thesis. And I'm dreading it terribly. The Examiner is a sharp lady who I can't finesse as easily as I do other people. She's a rather unknown element because she was away last year, and doesn't teach first year classes in any case.

But that's not the only event I'm counting down to. I've also got to sort out the job situation and deal with the move. There's really not that much time left until the end of school, and pretty much the end of my life as I've known it. I'm scared of these massive changes, with the separation and the move, but in true Poitras style, I'm going to stick out my chin and fake it til I make it! I've got to...being stupid and bold are both my best and worst qualities, depending on the situation at hand, and without them, there'd be no colourful Fancy to laugh at, cry for, and shake your head in pity/disbelief. Can't disappoint all those who know and tolerate/love me, now can I?

In other news, I'm adjusting to life alone. Rod is in Florida until March 4th on business, and I've been left here alone to deal with cats and messes. But I've been hiding in my apartment way too much, pretending (or possibly actually working on) to work on my thesis, which I've gone past the deadline on, so I'm both busy and yet acutely aware that I am alone. When I've got out, I've been mostly alone. So if this is the glimpse of my future in Ottawa, I'd better get cracking on meeting people who will keep me busy 5-6 nights a week!

Abnormality of Olympic Proportions

So, I don't know, but I hear there's something major going on in Vancouver these days...some kinda sporting event plastered all over my TV.

Vancouver has become an unrecognizable city! I mean, the buildings and streets are all in place, but they now look so different; red and white Canada flags are everywhere, usually busy streets are closed off with barricades and bollards, the trains and buses are PACKED, as are the streets around Robson and Granville...my city has become a zoo. It's a see of red everywhere, as everyone is out in olympic gear, draped in flags and pins, and random outbursts of 'Oh Canada' fill the air at any given time. The insanity!

It's fairly quiet in Burnaby, except for extra traffic at Metrotown, including olympic athletes and officials. The other day, 4 young and very nice-looking members of the Czech team caught my eye, and not just because of their hotness...it just caught me off guard to see these guys who are here pursuing a dream. Whatever their sports, I wish them well. I've always stated that I support the Athletes and the competition; my anti-olympic stance is based on the overbearing and downright malicious spirit of Corporatism and Monopolization of the games. I hardly think the runners at Marathon those hundreds of years ago were sponsored by Samsung, nor could they have foreseen what would become of their event.

To give you an idea of what I mean by the Corporatism, I'll provide an example that made me sick. The olympic torch relay turned out to be rolling past my building, coming up the hill at Willingdon and turning onto Kingsway. I stayed in my apartment because it was a cold day, but I went out onto my balcony and watched masses of people line both streets to watch the torch go by. When it finally arrived, I started to feel the competitive spirit finally...I was eager to see the start of the games, so I could see the athletes perform and maybe be fortunate to achieve their goals, be they posting a personal best or winning a medal. The real reason for the games was rolling passed my window...and right INTO the ROYAL BANK across the fucking street. That's right...in that second, my olympic spirit was smothered, as I watched the torch disappear into the official banking sponsor of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. A corporation hijacked even the torch relay, probably the purest symbol of this entire event.

It's making me seriously think of delaying my application to PhD programs in London, because I don't think I could live in another Olympic city come 2012!

Change: a harsh mistress

Rod and I have decided to end our marriage.

This summer, we had to spend time apart for both of our jobs, and significant changes and questions forced me to look at our relationship and see that we've been ignoring serious problems for a long time...years in some cases. By the time I returned to Vancouver in August and we settled back into our lives, I was quite concerned. By November, the stress became too much, and we had the first of many, many talks. The talks led us to consider separation when I move to Ottawa, in order to have less pressure to make decisions. But this weekend, Rod and I were forced to acknowledge the painful fact that this will be a separation for good.

Rod and I have been together for more than 11 years; we don't regret the time we spent together. Had we talked sooner about some things, especially when feelings were strong about them...but there's no point in looking back in that way. The decision is amicable and mutual, and we're committed to maintaining a friendship instead. So ours is not an end; it's a change. We still love each other deeply, but not in the ways that a marriage needs in order to thrive.

It's all for the best. In the end, we want to be happy, and equally as important, we want to see each other happy as well.

And life reportedly goes on...

I've been caught up in so many SNAFUs as of late to seriously consider the value of running away from home. At 31 years old, I know I can't, because I have responsibilities to attend to, but the 12 year old in me just wants to flee.

You'd think given my recent capstone-mania that this would be related to school. But you'd be wrong. As a matter of fact, school is the one area of my life right now where things are going along quite smoothly, and I'm on track to be done my capstone and classes in time to graduate as expected in June. Just last week, I struggled and slogged my way through revisions and turned in my first draft (95% completed) of my pre-defence capstone. So school, not a SNAFU.

Physical Health: I've been quite sick over the last three weeks. First I had strep throat, which I was treated for, and then Rod passed along his cold, which my body turned into bronchitis. How did I come to know it was bronchitis? During a bad day of coughing fits, I felt a sudden sharp pain in my lower abdomen. After much arguing, I was taken to emergency, where it was determined I probably strained or tore muscles from so much coughing. And the doctor said, "hey, you're wheezing." So I got a bronchitis diagnosis, an unnecessary IV hook-up poke, and a bottle of Tylenol 3's for my trouble.

Mental Health: deteriorating due to exhaustion. That's not to say I'm going crazy, it just means that the stress and fatigue of everything I've been dealing with has worn down my usually tough composure, and I'm more susceptible to stress and strain.

There are serious things going on right now that I don't feel comfortable blogging about, despite my usual tendency toward candor; huge changes are on the horizon for me and those in my life. By April, most of the pressing details will be worked out, but we are talking about life-altering events to come. The thing is that all of these personal SNAFUs are affecting a lot of important people in ways that will be difficult to repair. This adds greatly to the stress I'm feeling already about the decisions I'm faced with. And it's really strained my relationship with my parents, whom I'm close to.

I'm opening up and admitting that right now, I'm weakened, mentally, physically, emotionally. The challenges I'm facing are more than I've ever confronted before; but I'm still tough, and I won't be beaten. A little worse for the wear, but still a fighter.