Change: a harsh mistress

Rod and I have decided to end our marriage.

This summer, we had to spend time apart for both of our jobs, and significant changes and questions forced me to look at our relationship and see that we've been ignoring serious problems for a long time...years in some cases. By the time I returned to Vancouver in August and we settled back into our lives, I was quite concerned. By November, the stress became too much, and we had the first of many, many talks. The talks led us to consider separation when I move to Ottawa, in order to have less pressure to make decisions. But this weekend, Rod and I were forced to acknowledge the painful fact that this will be a separation for good.

Rod and I have been together for more than 11 years; we don't regret the time we spent together. Had we talked sooner about some things, especially when feelings were strong about them...but there's no point in looking back in that way. The decision is amicable and mutual, and we're committed to maintaining a friendship instead. So ours is not an end; it's a change. We still love each other deeply, but not in the ways that a marriage needs in order to thrive.

It's all for the best. In the end, we want to be happy, and equally as important, we want to see each other happy as well.