Life and the Movies

Would Melvin Udall and Carole the Waitress survive in real life? For those of you who have seen the famous compliment scene in 'As Good As It Gets', starring Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, and Greg Kinnear, you likely enjoy that moment when Jack, soul as beared as it could be for his character, gives Helen's upset Carol the compliment of a lifetime after a real gaffe...

Melvin Udall: I don’t get this place. They make me buy a new outfit, and they let you in in a house dress. I don’t get it. [Carol gets up, upset] What? What, no wait, why? Where you going? Why? I mean, I…uh. I didn’t mean it that way, I mean…you gotta sit down. You can
still give me the dirty look, just sit down and give it to me.

Carol Connelly: Pay me a compliment, Melvin. I need one. Quick. You have no idea how much what you just said hurt my feelings.

Melvin Udall: The monominute somebody gets that you need them they threaten to go away. Never fails.

Carol Connelly: That's not compliment, Melvin...That's just trying to sound smart so I feel stupid... A compliment is something nice about somebody else...Now or never.

Melvin Udall: Okay.

Carol Connelly: [reluctantly sits] And mean it...

Melvin Udall: Can we order first? [shouting at a waiter at another table] Two crab dinners and pitcher of cold beer. [to Carol] Uh, baked or fries?

Carol Connelly: [embarrassed, whispers] Fries. [again, louder] Fries.

Melvin Udall: [calling to the waiter] One baked -- one fried.

Startled Waiter: [shouting back] I'll tell your waiter.

Melvin Udall: Okay, now...I got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.

Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.

Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: clearly, a mistake. I got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills; very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never...uh, alright, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.

Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.

Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.

Carol Connelly: [stunned]...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.

Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.

And of course, after this, the moment goes downhill, first to awkward, then to disaster as Melvin says something that upsets Carol so much, she storms out. Some strange events happen, including a homeless gay artist, some nude sketches, an odd couple situation, and a surreal make-up scene that leads to them wandering the streets of New York at 4:30 am, deciding to give it a try, despite the challenges his personality (and to a lesser extent, his personality disorder) present.

After the couple walk into a bakery that is just opening for the day, I'm left to wonder...what they survive in real life? Do they keep going, accepting the implications of his personality and his disorder as being as good as it gets? Or does another serious gaffe on his part (or her part...could happen) somewhere down the road push that relationship over the edge? I'm curious.

I'm also curious about one other thing...assuming this relationship can go the distance...how do you ever beat a compliment like that if you have to?

The next chapter...

So, I had a heart-fluttering, butterfly-tummied moment this afternoon:

Next week, when I get paid, I'm registering to write the Graduate Record Examine, more commonly known as the GRE. Why? Because it seems that every graduate school in the US requires it if you are not from the US (or in many cases, even if you are!) as part of the admissions requirements.

And why am I writing the GRE which is so necessary for grad schools in the US? Because I've given serious, thoughtful consideration to a crazy idea...

A Ph.D.

At Harvard.

"OMG, Fancy, are you an idiot?"

Well, I hardly think I have to dignify that question with a response to those of you still wandering in and out of my blog for the last 5 years. Duh! The answer is obviously YES. But, I'm a special brand of idiot...the kind willing to take the risk in case it works out.

Remember back in 2005, when I foolishly babbled on about the possibility of being good enough for grad school? Once I got over my childish fears of rejection, I realized that I was good enough for grad school, and there was no turning back! I was so set on this goal, I picked only one school, uprooted my entire life (and Rod's while I was at it), and moved to Vancouver. I faltered only slightly over the summer of 2006, but then I found the solution to my problems (a maddening lack of references and a GPA a touch under 3.0): the Post-Baccalaureate Diploma in Social Policy Issues at Simon Fraser University. I entered in January 2007 and finished in December 2007 with a 3.77 GPA, excellent references, and a semester on the Honour Roll. Me...the one who never believed I was good enough.

I was. I got into the only program I applied to, the Master's of Public Policy at SFU, and I succeeded.

So why is it so crazy to think I could pull this off? Granted, it's Harvard; I hear all the time about top-tier candidates not making the cut. Which is why I'm not totally stupid...I'm also looking at three other excellent programs at excellent schools. Harvard is a stretch, but like others who have taken a chance on me, they wouldn't be disappointed. Let's put it this way...Harvard University is the vanity choice: I make the cut, wow, that's...strange, but cool; I don't...well, hey, it won't be for a lack of Trying.

Who knows?

Crisis of the self...averted

I've been largely adrift lately. I go to work, albeit to a better job than I had up until 2 months ago, I go home, maybe do some household chores, and find ways to occupy myself and/or Etienne. And I do all of this knowing I want more for my life.

Recently, Etienne had a chance to think about his situation based on something I had said in conversation, and he realized he is where he wants to be right now. Not Ottawa, he doesn't *want* to be here; but in terms of his current job/career, he's on the right track and he likes what he does, and I envy that to some extent.

The natives are restless...literally. Once again, I find myself in the position of looking to my future, knowing it isn't what others expect it to be, and struggling to find the right way to make the changes needed in order to turn my future into my present. If this 'existential crisis' I'm having sounds familiar, it's because you've seen it before, spelled out in this blog; each instance led to some large step in life (new cities, new jobs, returns to school...the typical routes) that have each moved me to where I am now, so I know I'm on the right path. Unlike so many others though, I haven't yet reached my goals, and it can be so frustrating when other people who have judge me foolish for wanting to walk away from the safety and security of public service in order to reach my finish line.

I'm doing my best to find my way, but recently I've faced opposition that made me feel less than my worth; well-meaning people in my life have...well, scolded me or chided me about how foolish it is to walk away from government. They don't (or won't) understand that what drives me isn't the same thing that drives them. No matter how many times or ways I've tried to explain that I just don't do things the way most people do, that I've always marched to the beat of my own drummer, the message doesn't reach them.

In a moment of true sorrow and anguish, as I felt like giving up, I reached out to Rod. Besides my mother, no one left alive on this planet knows me so well, and in some ways, he knows me best.

Ever the very best of friends, he responded to my troubles with this...

"Well, I think for the majority of the populace, a "good" public service job is the epitome of a safe, secure career path. It's very organized and structured in terms of advancement and reward. You put in the time, you are guaranteed the reward - more money and more vacation time. But it isn't necessarily the most fulfilling, dynamic or exciting work. And you my friend are not 'The Constant Gardener', but rather his wife. You enjoy the rewards from a steady job, but you need more from life than steadiness."

So thank you, Rod. Thank you.