The Detroit Red Wings

Disclaimer: If you're not a hockey fan, you're going to get bored with this one.

Last night, Game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals started off at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit. My Red Wings battled their way to the finals against the Pittsburgh Penguins for the second year in a row.

Let the media/fan hate-on begin.

All day today, the net and facebook have been crawling with people complaining about everything from the springy sideboards at the Joe to the fact that Detroit "always makes it to the playoffs". Give me a fucking break!

The Detroit Red Wings went 41 years without a cup. Their dry spell went from the 1954-55 win to the 1995-96 win. That's more than 4 decades...I'd hardly call that "always making it to the playoffs". In fact, they had some really bad years in there. So how did the organization rebound? By building the best strategy of hard work, talent, and persistence. This is an organization that went out and got the fans, got the players, got the scouting, coaching and support staff, and got over itself.

The players coming into this organization learn very quickly to tame the ego, because it's all about the work ethic. It's about being solid, not flashy. To demonstrate my point, I raise the name Steve Yzerman, the man also known as the Quiet Superstar. He embodied what about this team makes them deserving of their Stanley Cup wins in the last 15 years: hard working, adaptable, contributing points, great with quick thinking. If he didn't have a shot, he passed off to someone who did, he wasn't out to earn a points tally, he was out so his team could win the game. And he was an incredible hockey player to boot. And I saw the writing on the wall...when Steve was getting ready to retire, he took young Pavel Datsyuk under his wing, and to his credit, Pavel is on his way to becoming the same kind of superstar.

Just ask Chris Osgood. As the goalie at the helm during the 95-96 and 96-97 seasons, he thought he was Da Bomb. He went elsewhere with that big ego, and learned a lesson in humility: one superstar a winning season does not make. Now he's older, wiser, and back in the lineup, and committed to being on the hardest working team in the NHL.

So given all of this, I scream and pull my hair out trying to understand why the media and hockey fans are so brutal with their hate-on for the Red Wings? Take a cue from the players in the league: they might not like playing against the Red Wings, but every one of them admits to having respect for this team, for their work ethic, both on and off the ice. So show some respect for that!

Warning: cynical rant ahead.

Actually, I know why the media's doing it: Sidney Crosby, the darling pet of the NHL is back for a second chance...everyone loves a show pony. But someday, he'll understand why he's no Gretzky or Howe; his whining earns him no respect. But for now, he's the new face of the league, and the sponsors wet themselves to get him. The media follows him like a heartsick puppy because sponsors do. It's sad really. And in the meantime, they are willing to slag one of the best teams in hockey to earn those advertising dollars. Jerks.

Ottawa, for real

Well, I've been here just shy of three weeks, and so far my scorecard looks like this:

-Pints consumed: oh hell, lost track after the first 3...I'll conservatively estimate....30?
-Landmarks seen: two. One part of the Civ Museum in Gatineau, and a lovely stroll along the canal.
-Number of complaints about the lack of a real beer selection: ongoing...into the hundreds by now.
-Nice weather days: 5. 3 if you count days where I wasn't complaining about the wind.
-Zellers visted: 3. Amazing how I have to go to three different stores to get just basic items.
-Number of stores that don't carry ichiban noodles: All of them. I think I managed to get the last package in the National Capital Region.
-Training sessions done: 1. 3 hours of my life I'll never get back.

Ottawa is not a city I plan on relocating to for the long term, ever. Or the short term, for that matter. Everyone here assumes:

-that you want brown bread, brown pasta, brown rice. What ever happened to wanting good taste in your food?
-that you love the outdoors and can't wait for the weekend to go out and climb something, row something or own a two-wheeled transportation device. For the record, the only thing I climb is bar stools, I don't know anyone with a boat (but I did just meet someone with a canoe), and putting me on a bike is the stupidest thing since...well, the last time I had a biking accident!
-that you want a career in the Federal Public Service. Look folks, that's swell, but to me, it's soulless, and I'd rather complain about the weather somewhere else and still love what I'm doing enough to stay.
-that you drink Alexander Keith's or Rickard's. Literally...the beer menu in most places jumps from Molson Canadian to Alexander Keith's to Guiness. It's like everyone's taste buds died upon entry into the NCR. (add one more to the beer complaints tally).
-that you are strange for not accepting the natural order. "What do you mean, you don't want to move to Ottawa, work for the Feds, get married, buy a house and have kids before you're 30?!?"

Don't get me wrong, Ottawa's got some charms when it comes to visiting, but I've never been drawn to this life, and I'm not having an inkling about changing my mind on that score.

So there. I'll keep you posted throughout the summer, as things are bound to improve once I start making friends...and forays into Toronto, Montreal, and curiously...cottage country.

The Prettiest Dirty Song Ever

Is it a stretch to call 'Crash into Me' by the Dave Matthews Band the prettiest dirty song ever? Well, maybe, but I've had 30 years to sort through a lot of music, and thus far, nothing has proved to be nearly as evocative or provocative.

Melodically, it's such a delightful mix: vaguely militaristic drums against a yearning guitar line, intertwined with a deep bass line. This rhythm is complimented by the occasional hint of violin that just adds to the yearning of the guitar. Altogether, it would almost sound...this is a bit ridiculous, but take away the vocals, and the song sounds like the prettiest backdrop for a love song at a hoedown.

The vocals of Dave Matthews are imploring, alternating between raspy and milky, and let's not forget that falsetto. His vocals start out so softly, sweetly, then rise and crescendo at the end of the song...you hear how bad he wants the girl. So pretty.

And then you stop and pay attention to the lyrics...they are lustful, oozing the raw sexual energy of a young man who wants the girl so bad, it's driving him to distraction. All he can think is what the girl from 'a boys dream' could do, or rather what he would do to her if given the chance. It's sexual desire dressed in pretty poetry. And that's what makes it such an artistic feat...this song isn't a performance looking for adulation, it's an artistic expression of nature's most basic urges.

It's likely just me who thinks this is the case, but listen to the song and read the lyrics, and then see if you can't see and hear the pretty pervertedness:

Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band

You've got your ball
You’ve got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
Who's got their claws
In you my friend
Into your heart I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
And sweet you roll
Lost for you I'm so lost for you
You come crash into me
And I come into you,
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream

Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare-boned and crazy for you
When you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream
If I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When I'm holding you so girl...
Close to me

Oh and you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream... In a boys dream

Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted,
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Lyrics taken from the Dave Matthews Band website.

Ottawa

You're dying to know what I think about Ottawa. But I have to keep you waiting.

I'm still getting my bearings, geographically and emotionally. This means I can't tell you what I think of Ottawa because I hardly know myself. Sit tight. It'll sort itself out.

Note to Alberta, Part Two: Sex is real, move on.

Update: Sorry folks, Evolution stays, but the sex is still fair game!

The Minister responsible for Human Rights in Alberta has clarified that Bill 44 does not apply to evolution lessons because it's a science curriculum item, not a religious studies curriculum item. So yeah, sorry Dave Hancock, but you come out looking like an idiot on that call (but not really sorry...).

However, oh joy, sex is still on the table for parents to make that judgment call. I will reiterate my earlier comments about my concerns for the social development of youths, and add to them by stating my support for common-sense sex education for teens. I read somewhere recently that rates of teens having sex was dropping anyways, which is good enough news, but I still advocate for sex education as a strong back up.

Look, the fact of the matter is that we are supposed to be teaching kids and teens to use their reasoning and decision-making skills with increasing responsibility for themselves and their actions. Is it responsible for adults to then abstain from providing pertinent information necessary for teens to make smart decisions regarding sex and sexuality? No, it's not responsible. Teens are smart, so let's stop treating them like 4 year olds. Speak to them in a way that reaching their maturity level!

And yes, my ire still smarts over this even being slipped into human rights education. This kind of lunacy is in no other human rights legislation in any jurisdiction. What the F*^# is it doing in Alberta's legislation extending human rights to homosexuals in that province?? It's still going through the backdoor, and it's still grossly unnecessary. Not to mention redundant...directives like this education piece already exist in the Department of Education. But that's a whole other slice of cake.

Mmmmmm....cake....

Out.