Having it all/Chucking it all

Today I watched an episode of Oprah, which I rarely do because it's just not my thing, but I chose to watch because the episode was about one simple question: Can women have it all?

It was such a trip watching women argue amongst themselves about the benefits of Stay-at-home mums versus Working mums, and how this affects children. There was one women, Whitney, who really ripped into the working mothers, lambasting them for being self-driven and not putting more into churning out better children. I, of course, have a major problem with that kind of judgment. The working mothers were really hurt because the stay-at-home mothers seemed to be implying that they loved their children more, and they were willing to make the sacrifices to prove it.

I have friends on both tracks: working mums and stay-at-home mums, and I don't know how they feel about this issue, but I sense that there hasn't been any condescending judgments on either side. I do wonder how they feel, but in general, I think they are content with their choices, and there's no need to be picking on the other side. But this provided an interesting observation that was pointed out by Oprah's Dr. Robin lady: America is such an "either/or" country--there is an inherent mistrust of anything that smacks of social welfare which plainly reveals the country's naturally Conservative streak. So is Canada, with a relatively stronger social safety net, an "either/or" nation? In general, our parental leave benefits are some of the best in the world (even though they are eroding along with everything else), and parents in decent jobs can have 50 weeks, so does that make our choice easier? Less "either/or" perhaps?

But the very interesting subtext throughout the show was never addressed...no one ever mentioned or compared their situations to men, and mentioned men "having it all." The Question was asked: Can women have it all? The Answer, as far as I'm concerned: What are we asking the question for? If we are trying to achieve some ideal that says that men have it all? Because if that's the goal...News Flash: Men don't have it all either! Seriously! The Alpha male sacrifices his family life (if he's got one) to get ahead in the career world; the Beta male is basically compromising on career goals for the needs of the family; and the poor Stay-at-home dads are basically emasculated in Western Culture, which is REALLY retarded, because they are good, solid men.

So what's at the bottom of this seemingly pointless discussion? It's useless to make claims about having it all; no one has it all, and really, no one should want it all, because attempts at perfection only drive parents to feel like they are failing. As long as you have raised a good person, you haven't failed...at least not as much as the Bushes.