Friday, August 12, 2005

She fell

If you've been wondering where I've been as of late, the simple answer is working, sleeping and eating. This waking up early to go to work thing is still working itself out. I'm still wondering what I've gotten myself into at this job, but it seems to be working out. Three weeks on and I'm still going, so I must be doing something right. But I will obviously have moments where I will be frustrated about the jobs, and I remind myself that it's okay, I'm human...I think. And a fairly boring one at that.

Festivals kept us busy for a while too. K-daze, Heritage days, Taste of Edmonton, and co-inciding with all of this was the World Masters Games. Daddy entered in the golf competition and did fairly well. In his age group, he placed 17th of 56 on the first day, 35th of 52 on the second day (and what a bad day it was for him, because he wasn't feeling well too), and 18th of 54 on the 3rd day. He's no spring chicken, but he kept within 10 strokes of the leaders, so ain't too shabby. Chris also took part in the games in several cycling events, doing alright for himself too.

But August has started off in spectacular confusion. I can't put my finger on it, but something seems entirely out of sync in my world. I've just had this nagging feeling that there is something seriously wrong, and it's frustrating because I can't figure out what it is. I'm aware that my life has changed radically since last year...meaning I can't go back to school this time, but I'm fairly well adjusted to that. My goal has shifted from graduating to saving up for the move and putting my energy into finding ways into Grad school. But still there's a sense that something is missing or worse. There's a hint of vulnerability or helplessness in the mix that I'm very afraid of, like I'm expecting to be hurt in some way. Until I figure out what's wrong, I'm stuck, and what's worse, I'm dragging myself and everyone else down.

So like Alice falling through the rabbit hole into a strange and perilous world, I have fallen too.


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