Amelioration

It's been nearly a month, and in that time, I've been alternating between busy and...sleep. That statement *could* be taken to mean that I am busy AND I sleep a lot, and you'd be forgiven for making that mistake. But what it means is that I've been so busy that I have no time to do everything, and my only respite is about 6-7 hours of sleep a night!

In truth, I was insanely busy at work in July. Things took an unexpected turn, and the pressure was on all of us in the ADMO to rise to the occasion and deal with it. This was a team clusterfuck, and it was handled incredibly well. And that's all I'm going to (and allowed to) say about that.

Now, given that the word going around is that I've turned into a party animal (alcoholic), I feel I need to clarify just what's going on in my life that makes it sound worse than it actually is!

About this drinking. The fact of the matter is that my "schedule" breaks down like this:

1. On Wednesdays, I go to Trivia night at a pub with Etienne and his friends. While there, I restrict myself to 1-2 beers because it's nice to unwind, and because I know I have to work on Thursdays.

2. Fridays...well, Fridays have always been 'Cut Loose' days for me. Fridays are my day to drink and really have fun and enjoy feeling younger than I actually am. So I don't restrict myself on Fridays, and given that so many others don't either, I don't see the need to.

3. Saturdays. If I'm doing anything on Saturdays, it's usually low key such as movies, dinner, or just hanging out and spending the night chatting over a (shared) bottle of wine, or a beer or two. I place this restiction on myself unless there is a particular occasion, and even then, I'm usually good about sticking to it.

So you might think, "well geez, that's three nights a week!" But I see it as being no different than those who have a glass of wine every day or something like that. I'm not ragingly slobberknockered on the corner every night, which is what it sounds like when I hear people addressing their concerns to me. The most important thing to me is that I am in control, and I am capable of deciding where my line is. It's really not often I get really drunk because I know I'm usually at the centre of trouble when that happens.

So fret not, dear friends and family. Fancy maintains control over herself and her life, but she's not opposed to enjoying her life either.

In fact, I spend a lot of time alone. When I'm not working or handling the Wednesday/Friday/Saturday night events, I'm usually at home, in my room, or I'm out walking around alone. I spend a lot of time alone, contemplating, writing, and just spending time sorting out a lot of the issues that are involved in being in Ottawa alone.

They have made it clear that they are holding my position for me at INAC. It's mine to take it or leave it. But moving to Ottawa is not only not a part of my life plan, it's also likely to create a lot of complications for Rod and myself.

The thing I dread most is that this life and this place will suck me in and kill the life I've been working towards for the past seven years. It took me longer than most to figure out that I was not only intelligent, but that I was good enough to go after those huge challenges in life and not be afraid of failure. I'm a risky bet, and you can always count on one thing: settling is just about the most dangerous thing a woman like me can do. It's a well-documented fact that when I settle, I get bored, when I get bored, I get into trouble, and when I get into trouble, it's a spectacular mess! It's just my nature.

So forget the drinking. The drinking is not even on my radar as an issue, and if I wasn't so frustrated about having to explain myself, I'd laugh about it being an issue for people. I've got bigger dragons to slay!