Dwelling on the past

I don't know about anyone else, but it's impossible to stop the memories of the past from overwhelming me sometimes. One thought or action will suddenly open the floodgates of all kinds of memories, good and bad, and I'll get caught in this nagging cycle that drags me through the gamut of emotions.

This morning, I thought of all the ways people have done me wrong and how I reacted. I was angry and sad and hurt. I think I can safely say that one event in particular sticks out in my mind, and it would not be the one that most of you who know me well would think it would be. In the case I'm so mysteriously talking about, an incident that happened in a split second was enough to cause several people to betray their friendships with me and altered other friendships for the worse. Almost a decade on, I still feel wronged, and even though I've made my peace with a key person involved in the whole ordeal, I feel I never got the justice that I deserved. To some former friends, I am still a marked woman, and while I like to think I've risen above the pettiness, I still get the occasional urge to find some of them and demand apologies.

I guess there are some betrayals too strong to get over. I don't know how people can forgive and forget so easily. Hearing that it happens to easily is enough to make me think sometimes that I am not a good person because I still bear grudges and have not forgiven people, but then, I remind myself that I'm a better person than I think because I'm not the one who did the betraying. Say what you will about me, but you can never say that I have to feel bad for things other people have done to me.