Deliberations/Negotiating Self-Interest; or WHAT THE F^*$ SHOULD I DO??

I may have opened Pandora's box today, and I have no idea what will come of it.

As part of my program, I am required to do thing things: I'm required to do a Co-op work term during the summer, and I'm required to do a Capstone, which is essentially the research project similar to a thesis in other Grad programs. And I've been having no luck progressing on either task; I'm applying on the few jobs there are during these rough economic times, and the job market has not been kind (fewer jobs for the same amount or more students). And the capstone...well, we're supposed to have some thing kinda sketched out (though it's not set in stone) by March 30th. These factors have been a large source of anxiety for me lately. So when opportunities to kill two birds with one (cap)stone, some serious thinking is required. I won't lie to you...this post is more for my benefit that your entertainment.

There may be an opportunity for me to spend the summer semester in Bangladesh. And right now, you're probably raising your eyebrow at the thought of me spending more that 3 months in a country on the Indian Subcontinent. And you wouldn't be wrong in some respects. I'm not known for "roughing it." But you would also be aware of my goals of working on development issues abroad. If you're keeping score, so far we're at 1 pro, 1 con.

The experience would be incredible, and would be the right move for me, careerwise, as most jobs in the international development field want you to have some experience in a development situation.

I'm also a married woman with significant commitments to Rod, our cats, and our life together. I'm basically proposing to go half way around the world without Rod for more than 3 months. No matter what happens in my career, there is no question that my commitment to Rod comes first, now and always, so it's selfish of me to do this, and it's going to be a hardship for him, and for me (one month while he was in Australia was hard enough).

Pros, 2; Cons, 2

The opportunity would mean I'd fulfill my co-op obligations, and the research I would conduct would basically mean my capstone would be half-done by the time I start school in September.

But I'm leaving Rod. Yes, I've mentioned this, but it's the biggest criteria I have to weigh my options with, and it gets more weighting. I'd build you a criteria matrix for options, but I don't think you want me nerding out on you.

Pros, 3; Cons 3*

Of course, all of this is contingent on CIDA giving us funding for this little jaunt, and a part of me is hoping it's a no-go so I won't have to make this really difficult decision. But I guess I need to learn when I need to make those hard decisions, since I'm going into a line of work where I could have the lives of people depending on my decisions.

F^&$!!

If I hadn't approached the prof about this, it would all be just more 'Fancy' imaginings, but I did approach him, and now, I feel like I've put something in motion that is irreversible, and there's no question that if CIDA comes through, I'm bound to make a decision that breaks my heart one way or the other, for different reasons.