If I only had a resolution

I never make resolutions for New Year's. It's not because I think I won't follow through; in fact it's a strange combination of my fickle nature and my strong will that prevents me making an attempt at resolving to change.

Do I need to change some things about myself? Oh, Absotively posilutely! I'm getting soft in the middle, I still have some questionable eating habits, I never workout, I'm addicted to consumerism, and don't get me started on my study habits.

Do I recognize that I am capable of change? Duh. There's no question about this! If I wasn't capable of change, I would still be stuck working retail or reception, thinking I wasn't smart enough or good enough for anything else. Change, I can do!

What I am is Stubborn. Very. Freaking. Stubborn. And flighty. Oh. So. Flighty. I value my health, but I won't be a slave to it. I value my health, but who the hell has time to exercise when you have a 24-hour instant analysis due at 5 pm? I value my money (what little of it there is), but it's so easy to spend to ensure that I am like no one else in even subtle ways! I insist on doing what I please, even if what I please is fleeting and changes in a flash.

How the hell could I even settle on a resolution with such a charming blend in personality, never mind keep said resolution? Besides...if the United Nations isn't capable of enforcing a binding resolution, why should I be expected to? Seems a hopeless business, so best not to unsettle myself over it. I can't even be bothered to resolve not to make resolutions because who knows? Some day the mood may strike to make one. For now, I will just be the same ol' me, striving to be decent every day.