Lost in Academic Translation

I'm doing well in school. Too well. It's starting to really freak me out.

Look, most of you who've tagged along on this little blogging journey with me know that I've said time and time again how I feel like I'm pulling one over on the professors of Simon Fraser University or something to that effect, because I've enjoyed more academic success now than ever before. Like, as in I got honour roll in Grade 8, and I was sure that that was the last time I would ever 'climb to greater heights of scholastic achievement.' I did well in some courses, and not-so-well in others as high school continued (my epic battle with Grade 11 pure math is legendary), and I certainly carried on that fine tradition in my post-secondary years, so I guess I established a pattern that I was comfortable with. Until now.

I have...no clue what happened. When I started at SFU in January, I was scared because I had only a basic foundation of sociology to draw on, but a somewhat better foundation in Anthropology. Not a stellar background for someone going into advanced level undergrad courses in these subjects.

And then I started bring home A's and B's. It felt like a fluke, because most of the time, my peers swamped me in an occupational language (READ: they spoke like soc/anthro people) that I wasn't well enough acquainted with. I was sort of relieved when I got a C on a midterm because I knew I hadn't done well, but as it turned out, almost no one did...so based on the curve, I ended up with an A- in that class. By the time the semester had ended, I wasn't sure what I had learned, except to question EVERYTHING. So when I skipped off with an A- average, I thought, "SCORE! I PULLED ONE OVER ON PROFS!"

But this summer, the new trend continued, and it left me even more confused, because seriously, WHAT WAS I LEARNING? More of the same, but with a little disillusionment with a particular prof thrown in to spice things up a little. And my confusion grew even more when I found out that I really deserved an A in a winter class because apparent that prof does not believe in handing out A's. So I was really starting to wonder, WTF?? Instead of me pulling one over on SFU...what SFU pulling one over on me?? Like at any moment, a big "PSYCHE!!!" email could land in my school account.

These past few weeks, I've been swamped with midterm work: a midterm exam, a paper, a take-home exam, and a field journal. I knew I was going to do kick ass on the midterm, because I've had the prof before, and her exams follow the same format no matter what the subject matter, so when the A- came back, no surprise there. The field journal, for the same prof, was also going to be graded well...nothing lower than a B+, I suspected. The paper, I felt good about. Not only was an extension granted to the entire class, but I felt that I was doing well working on it. Expected at least a B on it (I sort of nose-dived at the end of the paper). And the Take-home exam...this was going to be problematic: I had missed a class on which the bigger of the two questions was based (field trip absence), and I have a fuzzy grasp of Foucault at best (mostly cause I hate it). And really, sitting there just hours before it was due...it was all coming out crap. Points well ill-connected, I was grasping at straws, AND it was late by an hour. Seriously, I was expecting no better than a B+ on that one, and I just bit the bullet.

Midterm exam: A-, as expected. I ran short on time and didn't get the last part as sewn up as I would have liked.
Field Journal: A+, better than expected...a lot better. It turns out that I had the right idea not focusing so hardcore on noting facts and figures. I looked at connections instead. Good on me.
Paper: A, better than expected. She commented that I have an excellent writing voice, and for real, this is the third or fourth time this year I've gotten such feedback. I is gooder with word-putting-togetherness.
Take-home exam: A-, completely and utterly unexpected. I even got an A on the first question, which was the Foucault/Hacking question I was missing half of.

Want to know why I'm freaking out instead of basking in the glow of such incredible grades?

Because, as with everything else, including the apt title of this blog...Now What? I'm finishing this diploma in December, and the deadline for Grad school applications is mid-January. And it gets scary here. The Masters in Public Policy program is very difficult to get in to. I was told that even people with perfect GPAs were turned down. So I'm depending on killer references and a Statement of Intent that is out of this world. And if I don't get it, I'm at a standstill. I can't apply for the MA in Sociology because I don't want to, and because of past grade issues (apparently my D+ in Symbolic Logic is looked down upon, to which I say, "Screw you, I worked HARD to earn that grade, and I'm as proud of it as I am of any of my A's!!"). I'm skeptical about applying for the MA in Anthropology because I actually have no formal training in ethnographic work. As for an MA in Political Science, well, I tried that bit already, and they didn't like what I proposed for my stream of study. UBC doesn't have anything like a Public Policy program (in fact, Ryerson University in Toronto is the only other school in Canada that has a MPP program), and well...I guess I'll try to apply to the MA in Political Science at UBC, but it's highly unlikely.

Hmmm...maybe I should look into Journalism. Thoughts?